


I'll Come Back In 200 Years When You're All Dead

by SmartCoffee



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Food, Gen, Inspired by Music, Interrogation, Natural Disasters, News Media, Not Serious, Satire, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24395596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: America is about to lose one of its fifty states. The Avengers are none too happy and want to get to the bottom of it. But whoever is responsible may have an unearthly, spooky power.
Kudos: 7





	I'll Come Back In 200 Years When You're All Dead

Americans were getting used to waking up to bad news. A thousand dead due to a virus on Wednesday. Seventy three dead due to a mass shooting on Friday. 

But it was still startling when Saturday, November 7th began with this news.

“Folks, it’s Bloodbuzz, Ohio.”  
“Bloodbuzz Ohio has devastated our country.”  
“They’re calling it Bloodbuzz, Ohio.”

What was meant by this rather unfortunate misuse of the title of a perfectly nice song by The National was that the Great State of Ohio was gone. What remained in its place was a lifeless, smoking crater, bordered by Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Indiana.

After a long and tedious investigation, the Avengers narrowed down the culprit to either Loki or Thor. SHIELD had one of those classic interrogation rooms that fans of murder television are so accustomed to, but there was no point in employing it. Intimidation didn’t really work with Loki because he had nothing to lose and no reason to stay on the planet. Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Thor, and Loki met in plainclothes at a pizzeria in Chicago .

“I just want to know why, Loki,” said Natasha.

“I knew that America would hate whoever did this. It’s fun to be the most hated man in America. You wouldn’t believe what kind of street cred that gets you abroad,” said Loki.

“Do you want America to despise you or do you want me personally to despise you?” asked Steve.

“There’s a difference?” asked Loki.

Thor started giggling like a bad actor breaking character. He couldn’t contain himself. It freaked the heck out of the other three.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” asked Natasha, throwing up her hands.

“It was me. It was totally me. I tried to like this planet. I really did. I dined on the local specialties. I frolicked with the young women. I bought some crap. There were battles we won and battles we lost. It isn’t an awful planet, but nowhere near the top hundred. However, there are very few planets where I could so easily torch a large province,” said Thor.

“It’s a state.”

“How could you possibly think I care? Anyhoo, I’ll be leaving. Perhaps I’ll come back in 200 years when you’re all dead - well, except Loki,” said Thor, wiping his mouth, and getting up to leave.

Steve began, “This isn’t the result of a virus taking you over or a shapeshifter or a magic spe--”

“Nah, I’m more like a spoiled rich kid who is also immortal," said Thor.

"Wait, Loki, why were you going to take the blame?" asked Natasha

"Do you even know what a trickster god is? Honestly, the schools need to teach practical subjects like mythology," said Loki.


End file.
